315. Dad Crush -

I kissed his forehead. He stirred, mumbled, “Love you, kid.”

Let me be clear: this isn’t that kind of story. There’s no Freudian punchline, no scandal. It’s something quieter, and in its own way, more devastating. 315. Dad Crush

Later, we floated in the middle of the water, treading gently. He told me about the first time he held me—how I fit in the palm of his hand like a little burrito, how he was terrified he’d drop me. I laughed and splashed him. He splashed back. I kissed his forehead

Not a metaphorical hammer of realization, but an actual, honest-to-god, rubber-grip Stanley hammer. I was fifteen, helping my dad build a birdhouse—a lopsided, condemned-looking thing that no self-respecting sparrow would ever nest in. He handed me the hammer, wrapped my fingers around the rubber grip, and then placed his hand over mine to guide the first swing. It’s something quieter, and in its own way,

He had softer hands now. More gray. Slower to get up from the floor after playing with the dog.

The Dad Crush never really goes away. It just changes shape. It becomes less about idolizing him and more about forgiving him. Less about wanting him to be perfect, and more about being grateful that he stayed—hammer in hand, flannel soft, ready to guide one more swing.

And I thought: Oh. There it is. Entry #315.