I write this to tell you the invention .
I drew a map in the condensation on the window of the bus heading to the coast. My mother thought I was drawing a cloud. But I was drawing the olive grove behind our house in Homs. The one where my brother and I buried a tin box of marbles in 2011. The marbles were blue like the sky before the jets came.
We don’t run away from death. We scoop it out with our finest possessions. refugee the diary of ali ismail
Note to the reader: This entry was found sealed inside a plastic bag, wedged between the inner and outer hull of a deflated dinghy washed ashore on Lesvos. The ink is smeared, but the pencil marks are legible.
For three years, I was UNHCR Reg. No. 782-09-114. I was a "transit" case. A "vulnerable male." A statistic in a spreadsheet that a caseworker in Geneva closes at 5:00 PM to go home for dinner. I write this to tell you the invention
But tonight, I am a cartographer.
Remember that I, Ali Ismail, age sixteen, once had a favorite cup (chipped blue ceramic). I was afraid of spiders. I hated boiled okra. I wanted to be an architect, not because I liked buildings, but because I liked the space between buildings—the shadows where children play. But I was drawing the olive grove behind our house in Homs
Tonight, the stars are very bright. The coast guard’s light is a white dot on the horizon. It might be rescue. It might be return. I don’t know which is scarier.
First, you lose the sound of church bells (or the call to prayer, depending on your street). Then you lose the specific smell of your mother’s stove—lentils and cumin. Then you lose the ability to walk down a street without looking up at the rooftops.
The father of three behind us starts to pray. The teenager from Idlib is laughing—hysterically, I think—because the moon is very bright and we are all going to die in a raft meant for ten people that holds forty-seven.
By the time you reach the water, you are a ghost wearing running shoes.