The Spongebob Movie Sponge Out Of Water Tanning Woman -

SpongeBob blinked. “Is it not? Your skin is the color of a delicious, well-done crabby patty bun!”

She then looked back at SpongeBob. “See that? Crisis management. Now you go back to your underwater town and flip your patties. But remember—real heroism is lying still while the world burns around you.”

He waddled over, his little square feet sinking in the sand. “Hi there! Scuse me! Hi!”

She lowered her mirror. One eye, squinty and judgmental, peered over the pink frames. the spongebob movie sponge out of water tanning woman

The Tanning Woman didn’t scream. She didn’t move. She slowly turned her head toward the ocean, licked a drop of salt water off her lip, and said: “That wave just made a powerful enemy.”

Here’s a short story inspired by that very specific, wonderfully bizarre combination: The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water and the infamous “tanning woman” (the lady who aggressively tans on the beach, often seen in memes). The world had been saved. The stolen secret formula was back in Mr. Krabs’ sweaty claws. Plankton was back in jail. And SpongeBob, for the first time in his life, felt… dry.

“The hell are you?” she rasped. Her voice sounded like gravel being stirred with a cigarette. SpongeBob blinked

She was a leathery legend. Her skin was the color and texture of a well-used catcher’s mitt. She wore neon pink sunglasses, a visor that said “WERK,” and a bikini so small it was essentially a geometry problem. She lay on a silver blanket, a greased-up, sizzling monument to UV rays. In one hand, a can of Diet Cola; in the other, a handheld mirror she checked every eleven seconds.

And she had not moved an inch.

She snorted. “Let him. I’d absorb his laser beams into my SPF 4 and reflect them back. I’m a weapon, honey. I’m a human mirror. I’m a consequence .” “See that

“But… what if Plankton attacks while you’re lying here?” he asked.

And with that, she laid back down, flipped her soggy visor back over her eyes, and resumed not moving.