Weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch [ ESSENTIAL › ]

“Stage four: Depression,” the trio said in unison.

“Welcome to the weirdest audition of your life,” said the avocado. His voice was surprisingly deep. “I’m Gerald. I handle ‘vibes.’ Please, have a seat on the couch.”

And there it was. The Backroom Casting Couch. weirdest-audition-ever-backroom-casting-couch

I pointed at the nun. “Is she really a nun?”

I sat. The cushion immediately let out a long, wet fart sound. The woman in the bathrobe made a checkmark on her clipboard. “Stage four: Depression,” the trio said in unison

“I’m not angry, I’m— wait, why is there a spreadsheet?”

So I did it. I sat on the farting couch. I performed the Seven Stages of Existential Dread, culminating in a whispered monologue to the hamster about my fear of being forgotten. The hamster ran on its wheel. The nun cried. Gerald the Avocado gave me a standing ovation. “I’m Gerald

“Stage one: Denial,” said the bathrobe woman.